I’m taking a stroll through Yosemite National Park, breathing in the scent of the trees and listening to the bird’s song. Abruptly, my stomach curls in my body, and I double over. My eyes swivel in my head; suddenly, an animation plays in my vision. I see a nation, with millions of starving people all across it, groaning, wandering the streets, desperately eye-locking the ground for a tiny morsel of food.
The aluminum and steel bodies of buses litter the streets, their drivers out of business. The air is white with crumpled and torn resumes, letters, and other official job papers, which I saw were stabbed onto the limbs of trees, posted to the streetlights, trash bins stuffed full to the brim with them, the crushed remnants of a glimmer of hope. I also see that the nation is China, from the writing scrawled on derelict buildings and buses.
When the animation zooms into a stock building, I see the graphs, their lines falling so steeply that if it were a mountain slope, not even I, the mightiest logger and climber of mountains in America, could have conquered it. Stock percentages on all the screens were dwindling at an alarming rate to near zero. Deserted cubicles, each with its own sad story, are lined all about. There’s one person who does not share this cruel misery, though. He’s laughing an evil laugh, clutching pound upon pound of money in his strong, grabbing fists. He looks familiar, but I’m too engrossed by in this hellish scene to pay much attention.
“I must save the nation!” I think.
Out goes the hatchet from its old, worn leather pouch, off goes my coonskin cap from the wooden peg rack that I built myself and out goes I from the comfort of my warm home, setting off on an adventure of the grandest scale.
Later, I arrive at the scenes of terror. I see that not only are people starving, they are also sick. And, there was the evil man, laughing, holding his clutches of money.
A thorough look at him confirmed that I had seen him before: he was Wang Chen-Han, one of the most selfish, uncaring, and greedy stockbrokers ever to have been born on this planet. He had toppled thousands of stocks all across the world and made millions out of it. He was a billionaire. Now, I realized, he had destroyed every single stock in China, casting everyone into joblessness.
When I arrive, everyone looked at me, even Chen-Han. They gape at me as if I’m from Mars. “Is he an alien?” someone said.
“I am Paul Bunyan. Just a logger I may be, but I am here to save you!” I said.
While I’m saying this, I take a close look at Chen-Han. He’s grown fatter and his voice has changed, but his fiery brown eyes are still the same ones, eyes full of unconcern for others. But, my musing over him is broken when Chen-Han says, “What’re you doin’ here, big dummy?”
“Helping China, of course!” I say.
At the word help, Chen-Han’s face grows exceedingly red. It’s one of his least favorite words. “What do you mean, help? You’re not helping anyone,” he emphatically states.
“You’ll see.”
I turn without a further glimpse at him and stroll off.
Since it’s getting dark and I’m far too large for any bed, I decide to head for the Great Wall.
I climb in pure darkness onto the Wall and lie there. Staring at the starry sky, I’m thinking “What’s my plan? How am I going to help rebuild the country? Maybe tomorrow, I can try to convince Chen-Han to give up his ways…zzz…”
A sudden pain alerts me to my senses. Still groggy, I look around. It’s just beginning to dawn. The scenery is like nothing I’ve ever seen before, with the bluish mountains rolling in the landscape, the mist floating about like some hungry beast swallowing anything in its way.
But, the pain lands me back to earth. When I look at my arm, it’s bleeding hard. Then, I notice words scratched into my skin: “U R LUZER - CH” My pain turns into white-hot anger, at the mere thought that Chen-Han would call me, Paul Bunyan, a loser, and that he didn’t even give me a chance to reason with him. Immediately, I spring from my lofty perch and see Chen-Han standing on a beacon tower not far from me.
“I’ll make you a deal,” he snarls. “How ‘bout you skedaddle back to your cabin and I leave you alone?”
“No. I’ll save the people here, whether you like it or not.”
“You’re not saving anything whether it’s for your own sake or my sake or anyone’s sake.” He points with his finger at everyone! And his voice is very mean and hoarse, like that of a school bully whose had two hours yelling at nothing and then another thirty minutes swearing at the pain in his toe because he kicked a rock.
“You can’t stop me!” I practically shout.
“Let’s see,” he says and spits at me but I dodge it and spit at him. My spit is larger than his therefore he can’t dodge it as well. So, while he’s busy trying to clear my saliva off of his pug face with lots of overly dramatic swipes, I throw him to the ground.
In a flash, he gets out a nail gun but I had just the right tool. While the nails are flying directly for my stomach like so many deadly silver darts, I bat them back with my ax; he tries to escape, but Chen-Han is fat from the hours he’s spent gorging on food he’s bought using his unrightfully earned money, so he moves a bit slow. One strikes his arm and wounds him. He yells ”OUCH, I’LL SHOW YOU!” and his voice is so burning with hate that I can feel the trees withering behind me.
“Aww, you thirsty, here’s some pina colada for you mate!” he screeched, with a flask of poison in hand. Seeing this, I rip a tree from the ground and I see a split second of amazement on Chen-Han’s face, but he doesn’t have time to stare for long because his bottle of poison is in shards behind him, leaking acid green fluid.
The stockbroker’s face is now no more than a beetroot with a taught white-lipped mouth and two piggy black, hate-filled eyes. Summoning up all his vocal energy, he booms “SO YOU HERUCLEAN, YOU, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A LITTLE BBQ?” and gets out his Fire-Whippe, a deadly weapon known to be able to fry anything existing.
While he’s firing the thing at me, trying to turn me into a Paul-Bunyankabob, I sneak behind him and knock him cold with a kick to the head, but I have a more painful way of dealing with him, since pain was the last thing anyone who met him felt. Taking his Fire-Whippe, I fry a tree until it is shriveled and very sharp. I then impale it in his bottom. He immediately wakes up and goes wild, clawing at his rear end like mad. But, I pick him up and carry him to his house. His Fire-Whippe is pointed at the outside.
“Chen-Han, say goodbye to your money!”
“Oh no.”
BOOM!
The sight of Chen-Han curled up in sorrow at the loss of his mega-mansion fills me with pride at the thought that he should get his rightful punishment. I also decide to make him a servant, helping me cut down trees.
The following day, I gather some financial experts, and we set about helping the people mend the ruined country.
Months later, I go back to my home at Yosemite. My bed is too short and weak for me again since I grow like a weed. After lengthening it and giving the old boards to Chen-Han to sleep on, I lay on my new bed. I fall asleep to the sound of Chen-Han’s shrieks of dismay at his being ultimately defeated. As I drift off, I am thinking that for once, China is back to the happy country it once was.
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